List of things the Church Of Wotanology finds offensive and should be banned/or “removed” from society

Noel Edmonds

Gynaecology and gynaecologists

Mushrooms – they are a dirty vegetable

Communism

Fairness in society – some of us are born privileged

The Guardian and The Independent newspapers

She Ra cartoons and memorabilia

Anyone who does not exhibit velveteen portraits of N. Reg Mother (looking typically ravishing) in prominent positions in a multitude of highly visible locations in their threshold and places of work.

Naked or near-naked ladies and other such obscenities

Weston-super-Mare and anyone from there

Any remarks to any degree of negativity directed at N. Reg Mother or Steven Segal (the two are often mistaken, dear reader)

Low fat foods – an abomination, I’m sure you’d agree

Anyone saying anything that is not positive about Wotan or Wotanology

Shops that aren’t supermarkets

Weight Watchers

Freedom of speech – unless to espouse the attributes of The Church of Wotanology

Bumholing and Giddy Aunting

Ladylads

The budget-minded – Wotanology is not for you

All the scoundrel so-called literary agents who have refused my masterpieces.

Sneak-thieves in the night

Men who are not manly

Women

Knickers

Fruit

Aeroplane lavatories – they do not adequately accommodate my almighty girth

Health food

Proletarians

This is an incomplete and ever growing list and will undoubtedly be added to in the future.