Wotanolgy Facts: Things they don't want you to know

Dear reader, from now on I will be updating you with Wotanology facts. A series of factoids that they don't wany you to know.

Fact 1

In 1985 Frank Sinatra castrated cartoonist Garry Trudeau. Fact.

Minibike madness and Wotanology

Dear reader, I am recovering from a gang of yobbos who have been churning my front lawn with those wretched miniature motorcycles. I tried to summon the powers of Wotan, using the kcuf eht lleh ffo mantra, but to no avail. I then performed some sex majik to exorcise these street urchins, and as a result it was me that was arrested and threatened with the bloody sex offenders register pending a court judgement.

Rest assured all devotees of Wotan, these measures work most times just not on this occasion.

ANOTHER WARNING TO CRITISISORISTS!

Anyone making the statements: N. Reg Mother is a fat poofdah or Karl Rove is a dirty bastard, will be sued!

tweet tweet

oh readers I have finally succumbed! Yes I have started a twitter. Go now and check it out: www.twitter.com/NRegMother

Notice to all CIB Operatives Sec. Clr. III

OPERTAION RINGKISS IS NOW IN EFFECT STOP COMMENCE IMEDIATELY STOP

Warning to other bloggers

It has come to my attention, that a well-known celebrity lifestyle blogger, and clearly a homosexual, has began muttering things about myself and the Church of Wotanology. And they have not been positive things, dear reader. Oh no. Desist immediately unless you want to be at the wrong end of a no win no fee lawyer. D’ya hear?

Why must we work?

The simple answer is NO, we don’t have to. Work is for the lower orders or numbskulls who do stuff for you, juts because you ask. It clearly says so in the book of Wotan, let me tell you.

It’s my own fault I know, dear reader, but I have just suffered the most hideous sunburn imaginable on my recent holiday in Crete. I also suffer from heatstroke terribly and it is not uncommon to see me waddling around a resort, stripped naked, pink as a pig and howling to Hades as I succumbed to all manner of strange delusions which are often filled with enraged eroticisms. Oh yes, dear reader, many an old Baba, hunched over as she tries to negotiate a dusty, winding road through a village, her black shawl and dress rustling in a breeze. Then, a look of indescribable horror she is forced, by morbid interest, to behold an Adonis, 6ft 6, 400 lbs, lobster red, crazy eyed, as naked as the day he was born and clearly aroused screeching obscenities at the heavens as he shucks through town like some kind of undead. Oh reader, I have spent many nights cooling off in a foreign gaol, as you can imagine. Fnar, fnaaar.

Proposed Amendments to the Bible

Proposed Amendments to the ten commandments

"It is easier for a camel to pass through the eye of a needle, than for a rich man to enter into the kingdom of heaven" (Matthew 19:24)

As with my good friend Mr. Assfly says language has moved on. This clearly does not mean rich like me, but people who are rich like cakes.

Check out conservapadia.com for more facts

Notice to all Wotanologists

OPERATION DIRTY DEEDS IS NOW IN EFFECT

From the book of Wotan

Some underling came to Wotan one day and said “Lord and sire, the Gynos are gathering up their forces and mustering in Tolworth to fight you. They have also wound up our women folk and given them ideas above their station and the lower orders and people of colour.”

Wotan thought long and hard, holding his manly beard in his hands, gave a gastric eruption and muttered something that was not heard by the underling, but probably and ungentalmanly profanity.

He gathered his forces at the foot of Tolworth tower, in what is now Surrey, the next day. After travelling by foot from what is now the USA with 10 billion hungry proles. He collected his forces in one big fuck off line and faced the Gynos much bigger forces (they had also collected all of Wotan’s peoples womenfolk, ungrateful proles and colourds), and the face each other across a field.

He then rode his horse, Terrence, a dappled stud 50 hands high, in front of his men and said:

‘These bloody Gynos have taken our womenfolk and given them ideas which have confused them. Ideas like, how they can work the same as us and that when their natural place is in the kitchen and bedroom. They don’t take into account that when the women are with child that they’ll want maternity leave… and expect to be paid for it too, and have their job on their return when they’re all soft in the head! It takes the fucking piss.

“And don’t talk to me about those ungrateful colourds and bastards who have aligned with the girlies. The colords will do our shit jobs and the others are probably poofs which is sinful. So lets fucking kill all of’em.”

With their was a huge roar, which shok the ground and made all the birds fell the trees in flight. The Gyros looked at each other and looked all worried. Saussos the leader of the Gyros whimpered, “look boys and girls I know we’re all liberals and therefore shitters but lets give it a go ya, and then maybe get some lattes after.”

Wotan and his lads thundered across the field and clashed into the Gybos like in Braveheart. Wotan was in first and flying kicked Saussos so hard he flew into space, squaling like a little girl. Half the Gyros army, women, colourds and proles who were seeking “fairness” shit themselves and fled. The fight was over in 10 minutes leaving a load of wounded Gyros on the floor. None of Wotan’s men had as much as scratch.

“Maybe we should show the survivors mercy, so they will learn that we are forgiving people and maybe teach them the right way, too,’ said one of Wotan’s advisors.

“No we’ll touchier our ways into’em,’ so says Wotan, ‘They’ll never forget then.’

Wotan had that done and then the advisor killed for being such a liberal.

WARNING TO CRITISISORISTS!

Anyone who criticises the Church of Wotanolgy –from hereon to be known as critisisorists – is a terrorist. There have been many provable links of critisisorists who have are terrorists or, who have had no provable links with terrorists, terrorist groups or terrorism. This has been discovered with the tireless research performed by us and some bloke we found in the Brighton Free Ads. As a result, any critisisorists from now on will have their asses sued by our no win no fee lawyers and end up getting batty raped by marines at gitmo once their terrostness has been discovered.